I’m sure that’s not the answer you were looking for, but that’s definitely the answer you need to hear. For most of my adult life I have been single, and while 20 something-year-old me cringed at this fact, 34-year-old me feels really grateful for it. All this alone time has allowed me, though not initially by choice- to forge a very in-depth relationship with myself. And what a grand relationship that has turned out to be.
Man, its nuts how much I enjoy my own company. I’m not saying I wouldn’t enjoy meeting someone who I can share moments with, and have sex with, but I am saying that I’m not pressed. I know that when the time comes for a relationship with someone else- I won’t be able to have as much alone time as I am used to- so I am taking advantage of that now by basking in my ‘me time’.
While I certainly enjoy spending time with good company, I equally enjoy doing things, and going places alone, as it forces me out of my comfort zone- and allows me to experience moments and places in a less distracted way. I reflect more when I’m alone, I am the most real version of myself when no one is around. It’s from these authentic moments of reflections that I am able to glean the most out of my life experiences. Whether a good or bad moment, the ability to self-reflect allows me to properly parse and make sense of situations, and to thereby extract the most out of each moment.
As I have gotten older, it has occurred to me that the universe knew exactly what it was doing when it allowed me to be ‘single’ for all these years. My truth, as I’ve come to discover, is that all I’ve ever really wanted was to love myself. Perhaps others are born with the natural ability to love themselves unconditionally- but this was something that I had to learn. It is a journey I am still on, in fact. And with each passing day, my love for myself grows deeper and wider than I ever thought possible. I am in such a calm and blissful state in my life right now and I can only reason that it is because of the my ceaseless pursuit of self.
What does it mean to get to know yourself? I think it means allowing yourself to be alone- sit with your boredom and realize that there is nothing to be bored of. Your boredom with yourself is just what society has told you to do. There are so much interesting questions to ask yourself. Through this process of self-inquiry I have become very in tune with what I want- and as a result more focused and able to achieve my goals. I have also become less attached to goals as I realize they are fleeting and ever-changing distractions. My main purpose now is to be present with myself- because I know those moments are as precious as they are finite. What if we could view alone time as something precious instead of something dreaded? What if we could stop expecting others to give us the love that only we can truly give ourselves?
When I began to experience self-love- there was a freedom that came with it, a liberation that I had never felt before. A freedom, that grew from a sense of knowing. Knowing that I could trust myself, depend on myself, and though I may be far from perfect that I would always be there to pick myself up when I messed up. I love knowing that this protector and guide that resides within me can never go away. Now that’s a true love you can depend on.
Go within and you’ll never be without.